Here it is two years later and I shall try again to make a habit of sharing a few thoughts now and then. I have read it takes 21 consistent days to form a new habit. Day 1 has begun.
David and I were talking a little earlier about life-changing events and the effects such things can have on how one chooses to live afterward. I had just been reading a short bio of Michelle Cruz-Rosado, a woman who survived the World Trade Center collapse and, as a result, made huge changes in her life. Hers is a story worth reading, and what she shares with whomever will open to what she has to offer definitely will benefit.
Many times in the thirty years since I was shot in an armed robbery I have returned to how that singular event was the beginning agent of all the changes that followed. I continue to learn and to grow because I chose then not to become a victim, not to suffer. Often I have commented that the time I was unable to walk -- and that was as short a time as I could manage -- was the time I learned I had wings and could fly. It took a few more years afterwards to exercise those wings enough to begin to soar.
Perhaps now, with time to balance and distance from the old pain, I can speak more openly about some of those changes and the impetus behind them. I sense it is an appropriate time to talk about how significant events can be the source of courage to take control of how one chooses to live. While much of this is history, the effects linger, continuing to color not only my life, but the lives of others who were part of the unfolding of our lives at the time. Thich Nhat Hanh has said something to the effect that in coming to understanding we are able to love. I offer, then, the opportunity to understand. Whether those whom I love and who are sometimes hesitantly part of my life or not can open to accepting my love again is their choice. But I still will love them and it is in that spirit I write.
One of the most profound effects I experienced from that long-ago event and continue to live each day is very simple to write and fraught with implications to live. I choose how to live in the way most expressive of my being. I live as seems most appropriate for who I am, not as other people think is best for their interests. When one shares daily life with others that decision and ensuing action can have profoundly difficult and painful effects in the beginning and often long into the ensuing years. However, living with integrity demands choosing honestly and accepting the responsibility for those choices. I have long accepted the pain that sometimes still bites my very soul but I do not suffer. That, too, is my choice.
Ah, there is so much to share, so many thoughts crowding into my fingers to type onto this space. But this is a blog, not a book. More later.
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